Ta’rof: The Dance of Honour Understanding Iranian Culture

By Neil from Commisceo-Global

First – How do we pronounce Ta’rof?

Before getting into the cultural nitty gritty, lets first get the pronunciation right.

If you’re British say “ta” (as in thanks) followed by “roff”. If you’re American, say “tar” as in the black gooey stuff, followed by “off” as in ‘get off’. If you’re any other nationality the chances are you’ve already worked out how to say it from the above! There is no need to break, pause, stutter, cough or make any spluttering noises in between any sounds – it’s a nice clean, ta’rof.

So what is Ta’rof?

Well, in short its form of politeness you will find in Persian, Turkish and Afghan cultures.

Understanding ta’rof for me is without doubt one of those fundamental things you need to understand about Iranian culture.

I learnt it as a pup from my mother, watching and learning when to make ta’rof, how to recognise fake ta’rof, deal with ta’rof misunderstandings and what happens when ta’rof goes wrong. I never really knew that I knew ta’rof until I became an adult and came across something about it in writing. For all Iranians, it’s the same. Just as most British people automatically offer a guest a cup of tea, Iranians do ta’rof. It’s in the DNA. Its a form politeness that comes from the culture of putting your guests at priority.

As a foreigner it can be hard to get your head around it. So let’s start simple. 

In the UK, as in many other places, it is [maybe not anymore!] polite to hold the door open for someone. Similarly, it is expected to say thank you to someone in their car for letting you cross the road. There are many examples of where people are expected to behave in a certain way. It’s manners, it’s politeness, it’s consideration, it’s all those things and culture wrapped into one.

You could consider these to be a type of ta’rof. However, they all don’t translate into ta’rof in Iran. For example, holding the door might not be considered polite, but what is important is who enters a doorway first. If you let someone cross the road in your car, if you even get  a look you should be happy, forget a thank you.

taarof is the unwritten code for how people should treat each other.

“…..I was a guest in Iran, and in Iran a guest is accorded the highest status, the sweetest piece of fruit, the most comfortable place to sit. It’s part of a complex system of ritual politeness—taarof—that governs the subtext of life here..”

Now let’s go up a notch and look at ta’rof in a familiar public setting – the taxi. 

Food is a huge part of Iranian culture so let’s next examine an example of ta’rof every person who has ever stepped foot in Iran, Iranian national or not, has experienced daily. Ta’rof and food! 

Watch:

Here is a cute video that’s made Ta’rof simple

It is important to also remember that ta’rof can also be genuine. 

The thing about ta’rof is that you can apply it to almost any situation in which there is human interaction, domestic, social, business, wherever, whenever. This possibly is what scares foreigners learning about the cultural concept. At first it is if course bizarre, but it soon becomes second nature once you’ve spent time with the people.

It is key to remember that ta’rof was formed over 100s if not 1000s of years. As a foreigner it is going to be impossible to understand it without living and seeing it. It takes time to learn the code and until you do, you can always stick with the phrase “ta’rof nadaram” – I don’t do ta’rof.